Getting on with Life
Home is wierd. I like my home, I like my parents. But it's so different be back here, and it's also so completely the same. I think the problem is that I'm just a different person now.We got back to Ladysmith last Monday, after a weekend on the mainland. On my birthday I went to the Casino with my mom, aunt and Nana. Then that night everyone went out to dinner at the Macaroni Grill. Nikki was there and Tabi made it over from the island too! It was nice to see them.
So back in Ladysmith I was completely dismayed at how nothing had changed. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I didn't think things would be so the same. I guess I assumed that since I'd changed so much, things would have changed here too. Not. Instead things were almost exactly as I left them. Some people find the familiar comforting, at that point I was annoyed by it. I changed alot this summer, and I didn't want to step back into that old life I'd been living these past 18 years.
No matter how much I didn't want it to, life started up again. I started school last Tuesday and found myself sitting in a classroom wondering what the hell I was doing there. One, I just wasn't ready to step back into life so quickly, and two, I really dont' know what I want to do with my life anymore. Do I really need to major in Creative Writing to be a writer? Do I even want to be a writer anymore? Truth is I'm so completely confused about my whole future that I'm a little scared.
I'm only in four classes right now. I tried for five, I was waitlisted for one, but couldn't get in. I'm actually okay with that. The courses I'm in require alot of work. It's not just reading a text book and listening to lectures. For maybe the first time I have bonified homework like every night.
I still need to find a job. I'm not looking forward to that. How can anything compare to working on Rock'n'Rollercoaster??? I mean, no where here is going to let me ride a rollercoaster every shift. No where here is going to let me into four theme parks free whenever I want. I shouldn't compare working for Disney to here, because I'll be disappointed every time, but I can't help it!
On Saturday we had a little BBQ to celebrate me being home/my birthday. It was fun. I got to see some folks I hadn't seen in awhile. My aunt and cousins came over. It was still wierd, though.
I feel bad, not wanting to be here. I love everyone and I miss them alot when I'm gone, but at the same time Ladysmith is just not the place for me. I wish everyone would just move down to Florida. Then life would be lovely.
I'm trying to go back for a whole year. It's a scary thought. The hardest part would be leaving my family behind for so long. I can't imagine going that long without my mom and dad. I feel like crap for even thinking about deserting them. They are the one thorn in my plan to evade this damn town! If I'm in WDW I won't get to see the new Spiderman movie or Harry Potter movie with my dad! I won't get to go shopping with my mom, or just sit and watch TV. Most kids aren't as lucky as I am to have such a great relationship with their parents. I really don't want to leave them, but at the same time I just want out of this town. You can tell I'm majorly confused.
I think getting out of here for awhile is what I need though. I keep going to school and thinking, this is stupid, what am I doing here. And If I keep going without taking any time off to really figure out what I'm doing, I might end up resenting my life and my choices. Going on without a plan is just a waste of time and money, as I see it.
I need to go eat something, and maybe get dressed. I have scriptwriting tonight. Another class I don't like but must endure.
Brynna